why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
