Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
