Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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