And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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