People with herpes should wear stickers.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize