i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
