ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
