dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
