i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize