my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
