she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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