This is not my ceiling
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
