You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The feeling are messing with the penis
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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