yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
