Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
