she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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