We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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