My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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