I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
