Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
