Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
