thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
