Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
