My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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