the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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