I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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