Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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