oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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