people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
