What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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