I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I cannot find my penis.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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