Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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