Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
