The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
