She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
