I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
