Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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