imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize