So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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