i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
