I think I am morally bankrupt
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
