were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
