Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
