I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
