So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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