I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
