well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
