1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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