I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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