i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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