walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize