My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
