yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
