my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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