he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
