Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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