I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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