I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
