So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
