she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize