I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
