Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
