so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
