i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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