not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
