hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
