They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
