that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
