So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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