I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
