My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
