Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
