my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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